My 5... 6... 7 Rules of How to Be A Stand-Up Comedy Audience


Yes, there are rules. There have always been rules. The problem is most of you don't know them and for the most part the clubs won't tell them to you, because they don't want to alienate you from taking full advantage of that two drink minimum. But believe me when I say that all the comics and the fine people who work at the comedy clubs know the rules, so I figured it was time to pass them officially on to YOU! Ain't I nice?

1. Get to the club at least 15 minutes before showtime. I know the ticket and the website say the show is at 8pm. And you have a hectic life of Facebooking and Twittering and Digging and Tumblring and hey, you may even be one of those humans lucky enough to have a job, but as Malcolm X said, "On time is already late."* You know how you are, you need to sit down and unwind for a second. You wanna adjust your coat on your seat just right. You need to pee. You wanna look at the menu and ask questions, like "Oooh! Punch Line Punch? That sounds interesting! What's in that?... Is the pasta made in house?... NACHOS?" Also, the human brain can't handle rushing into a comedy club, sitting down, and immediately laughing. And you know you hate being sat in the front of the comedy club. And you know who hates it more? Everybody else in the audience, which is why those are the only seats available. And you know who hates it more than that? The opening comic onstage right now who is just happy to get through all the announcements, wants to get to their jokes, and now has to negotiate whether or not the rest of the audience can hear you arguing with the door guy about if there are any other seats available. FOR MORE RULES GO TO SF WEEKLY!