My Last Note to Bill. But will it be my LAST note? (cue dramatic music)

Below is my --- once again --- exhaustive response to his previous note to me. For those of you who aren't caught up with ths saga yet. Bill (& previously Jodi) had sent me an E-mail telling me that I "sucked." I responded with logic, grammar, and an anaogy about getting more flies with sugar than vinegar, which he promptly... Well, you'll see. I'm not really trying to change his mind or even piss him off. This has become quite a fun writing project for me. Thanks, Bill (and maybe Jodi)! Enjoy… Well Bill... First of all, I see Jodi isn't cosigning on this with you anymore. I hope this issue doesn't have you divided. I hope you just neglected to include her signature on this E-mail and not that she is having second thoughts about the "convincing Kamau that he sucks" project.

Sugar.. Vinegar... Tomato... Tomato. I know you get my point.

To follow your wine analogy through to it's logical conclusion...

1) You don't complain to the bottle of wine that it sucks. Maybe you complain to the vineyard. MAYBE. Most likely, you complain to the place that you bought the wine (i.e. the restaurant, the bar, the comedy club). To use your analogy, your E-mailing me in order to tell me that I suck is the equivalent of you yelling at your bottle of wine. "DAMN YOU, MERLOT! DAMN YOU!!!" Would you do that? I hope not.

So let's put you on the path to successful complaining, Here is the Punch Line's phone number: 415 397 7573. They would love to hear your complaints about who they booked on their show. In fact, if enough people complain about someone that the Punch Line has booked, The Punch Line will most likely never book that person again. Use you rights and privileges as a citizen to organize and get other people involved here. Learn form Obama's campaign. Things only get changed at the grassroots level if you organize. That is the only way that your voice will be effectively heard. Start a petition, get going on an E-mail campaign. The Punch Line is owned by Live Nation, one of the biggest promoters on the country if not the world. If you get them to turn on me, there are very few venues in the country that I could play. You have the power to stop comedy clubs all over the country from ever booking me again. USE IT! You now must ask yourself how committed you are to this cause. Is it enough to just tell me that I suck? I hope not. Get boots on the ground. In the words of Marcus Garvey, "UP! UP, YOU MIGHTY RACE! YOU CAN ACCOMPLISH WHAT YOU WILL!"

2) When you tell a comedian that he/she sucks you are only throwing gasoline on a fire. We live for this stuff. I'm sorry, but it's just not effective to tell us this. If a comedian isn't told he/she sucks every now and again, he/she starts to think that they really do suck. Ironic, isn't it?

3) I hate to have to repeat myself, but as I said before, comedy --- like all art --- is subjective. Just because you dislike something that doesn't make your feelings true. Your feelings are only true for you and those people who choose to agree with you. There are no absolutes here. So as much as I made you so perturbed that you and your girlfriend had to send me an E-mail, that's not actually a necessary or mature response. You don't need to share your feelings with me. You are only sharing them with me in order to get validation, because you feel like your feelings aren't real otherwise. Now that need is understandable, as we all need human connection, but I would recommend that you search for this particular type of connection from your friends and family and not the actual artist. I'm sure that there are kinds of music that you don't like, but do you contact those artists to tell them that they suck? I hope not. I sincerely hope you have better things to do with your time than to engage continually in nonsense like this.

4) Just like there are several different styles of music; there are several different styles of comedy. Next time before you go to a comedy show, do your research. I'm on YouTube,, Facebook, Twitter, MySpace, several websites I don't remember, etc... There are articles on me in every Bay Area newspaper from The San Francisco Chronicle to The SF Weekly to The East Bay Express to The SF Bay Guardian. Do your research. When you call the club to reserve tickets, ask questions about the comics performing. Or even when you get there the night of the show, ask the people working the door about the comedians. Those people know more about comedy than anybody. I really wish we had had this exchange before you came to the show. You and your girlfriend could have picked another activity for your evening.

5) If you had left the show early, when you realized it was not your cup of tea (I assume that you realized this early on. I assume that you knew you didn't like me well before my last joke.), and then if you had politely complained to the Punch Line that I was not your cup of tea, if you had done those two simple things, The Punch Line would have most likely given you a refund and/or given you free tickets to a different show. The Punch Line likes your business. They need your business, especially during these tough economic times. The fact that you didn't even explore this option is not my fault. It's yours.